Now you see it, now you don't

I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting.

To do this I have used our model text to support me with these things, smilies, metaphors, punction, onomatopoeia, idioms, and Alliteration. It is a longish list but I want to get my writing in the right place.

I worked with Calaya to re-write this story 

 The Rip                                          

There were two brothers who were not at all alike;  they were different in every way. The younger brother always stayed on the sand. The older brother was always in the water. The older brother liked to swim with his bros, diving , tumbling, bombing,  snorkling and surfing in the waves. During the day the older brother liked to go on lots of adventures but the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes the older brother would creep up to the younger brother and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” teased the older brother.     

One morning their mother got angry with them “ like a cat and a mouse!” she yelled “out you go together”, she said, “and try be nice to each other for once. Why did you have to come?” Jack moaned.” I didnt want to come. I dont even like the water. “Your such a baby! Your afraid of the water!” The older brother left him and went for a swim. “Hey! Come here!” he yelled a little while late. Gingerly, James walked over to see what he wanted,” come on just jump in for once” Jack splashed him, He froze in place. “N-no, you didnt just splash me”. James imagining all the horrible things it could lead to… “Ah! You’re lame”, said jack as  James walked away back to making his sand castles.

James waited for Jack to get out of the water. Fear gripped his heart. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. What could he do? He had to follow him into the water.The water was light blue, seaweed floating and children laughing. He found himself tangled up in seaweed - there was no sign of his brother. Quivering, he saw his brother going further out. Fish, stingrays and sharks - what other creatures could be lurking here? His mind longed to turn back, but his heart would not let him. He could not leave - for what would become of his brother? “Brother! Where are you? He yelled as he ran. The more he ran, the more he wanted to get him help for his brother and to get him out of the water. 

Fiece wind whipped through the sand. He continued to struggle through the seaweed as he calling for help for his brother. Just when he knew he couldn’t swin on, he was released from the seaweed. There in front of him was his brother just floating there lifeless. He swam to his brother and wrapped his cold arms around him and held tight. As he ran back holding his brother in his arms, he was slowly coming back to life.

They ran back up onto the bright golden sand, through the cutty grass , into the lifeguard station,and out again. Together. When they reached home, their mother was setting the table. “Hello”, she said “you two seem very quiet. “Is everything alright?” James smiled at his brother. Jack smiled back.

Do you want to explore the water cycle?

This week we have been learning about the water cycle and how it all works. I think that scientists are very smart and I hope you find this very interesting. 

Health "Just because your not sick doesn't mean your healthly"

 We have been learning about health and how even if you are physically healthy doesn't mean mentally healthy. 

Plan gone wrong

In our class we do "Cold Tasks" to find out the things we already know. Our cold task was on a narritive writing. This is a snap shot of what I can do in 30 mins by myself. 

We are also learning to do self assiments on our work so we can see things that we need to work on.

Name: Summer

10:30 

The trailer rattled behind the ute as we drove 12 calves back to Old Oak Farms, our farm. The rain battered on the roof, coming down heavily on the calves.“ Where are the calves gonna go Aunty?” I yelled at the top of my lungs, trying to make sure Aunty could hear me. “They're going down by the river!”  She screeched back. My brother and I still had jobs to do after this, like moving two mobs of  heifers and one mob of milkers. The calves went willingly into the paddock and started to grave quietly. “ Come on lil sis,” Dylan said as he ruffled my hair, “ We have heifers to move,” 

12:40

The rain continued to come down harshly and my brother and I couldn’t take it anymore. The cows stood at the gate, but they weren’t going through, it was  as if they could not see it was open. “ Come on girls! Let's go!”  I yelled, but yet there was no response, they just wouldn’t move. “ Summer, come here and listen!” My brother yelled from the quad “ Listen I am going to tie a bit of rope to the tow bar and you are going to hold it, then I’m gonna put balayage on top of you and then they will definitely come!” 

“ Um no!” I declared, I was most certainly not going to get dragged behind the quad, “ Come on Summer it will be fine I promise,”  Dylan reassured me. 

1:00

“ This is so uncomfortable,”   I complained. I was still uncertain about this but I thought why not have an adventure and some fun.  Now I was lying down on the grass, cows and balayage all around me. The start of the ride was alright and then it got bumpy. We had our game plan and I thought we would stick to it but Dylan had other plans. Driving over rocks was really sore and I felt like I wanted to let go but I couldn’t. I had a big job, so I had to do it. Numb, sore,grazed - shall I let go? I felt like I had no feeling in my body, it was almost like the sharp stones had taken it away from my body. “Dylan I need to let go, you need to stop!” there was no response, of course not he is properly just ignoring me.  Five paddocks later ……… I was still being dragged along the rugged race way, the needle like stones still digging into me. I had to have stamina to complete this task, I had to prove to my brother that I was worthy of being a farmer at only 12 years old. 

1:20 

The paddocks were coming to an end so my painful journey was slowly coming to an end. Mum was speeding behind and yelling. When finally it came to an action packed ending with Dylan almost hitting the gate making my mother probably think that he can never drive again ( He can’t anyways) and I know for a fact that she wouldn’t let him for a very long time. As I slowly rose from the ground the balayage tumbled and scattered all over the dew covered grass, mum came running over and started to push the rest to the ground. The pain was really bad, up to ten at that moment. Rushing back in the car mum was extremely mad ( I hope I survive )       

I am working on how to use personifacation, 2A and 3 bad -sentences and aslo how to use a emtion comma. 

Stuck In The Wilderness

 Last term I worked on a recount about Hatchet the book. I think that Hatchet is inspiring and excited, I don't think there was a time I was thinking ' ugh I don't want to read this' I enjoyed reading this and wish to read it again.

                       Hatchet Novel Response:  Name: Summer Term 1 2022    

  

This story is about Brian Robenson and the pilot of a little bush plane crashing into the Canadian bush.The pilot had a heart attack while they were flying, leaving Brian to fight the plane in order to keep it up.When they hit the ground with force it left Brian to fend for himself for almost a year. All he had was a hatchet that his mother had given him and the dreadful secret from his mother and fathers divorce.

I think the author's message is about not giving up no matter how big or how small you are, you can do anything you put your mind to. The author displayed Brain in the woods alone for almost a year, all he had was one little hatchet that his mother had given  him. He had no Idea what he was doing. With hunting or fishing, he didn’t know how to do anything, yet with that one little hatchet he had made a difference. He learnt how to fish and hunt, he learnt how to make a bow and arrow and he learnt how to make a spear. With that one little hatchet he had built himself a shelter to keep him safe.Brain had been changed while he was in the woods. Even though he was attacked by a moose and hit by a tornado he still managed to rebuild and carry on.

Brain no longer had a television or a cellphone. He had learnt so many things while he was there. It says in the book that Brian had remembered things from school, things like how to make a fire and how to hunt. Brain also remembered that there was a survival pack inside the little plane. While Brian was in the middle of hacking away at the plane he had  dropped his hatchet in the water. He had no idea how deep the water was, he was so mad at himself that he had dropped it. However Brian kept going up and down, from the surface to the bottom of the lake. Just as Brian’s lungs were about to burst he felt the rubber handle to the hatchet and he grabbed it and hit the surface. That goes to show that Brian never gave up.

To summarize the story I would say that Gary Paulson was very smart to send that kind of message to kids my age, as well as adults. It shows that even though Brian was only thirteen he was still able to  build  a shelter and catch fish not to mention he was able to hunt. He was able to survive and live his life in the wild. Through all the pain that he felt after the crash and the moose attack. He was ready to fight for his life. Even if the story is not real I  look up to Brian Robenson.

 

My favorite part of the book is when Brian built a shelter and hunted fool birds, turns out they really are fool birds. I also like when Brian figures out that water bends light so when he was missing the fish it was because he had to aim lower and from then on Brian caught piles of fish. I love this story and I’m so glad Gary Paulson wrote it.