Plan gone wrong

In our class we do "Cold Tasks" to find out the things we already know. Our cold task was on a narritive writing. This is a snap shot of what I can do in 30 mins by myself. 

We are also learning to do self assiments on our work so we can see things that we need to work on.

Name: Summer

10:30 

The trailer rattled behind the ute as we drove 12 calves back to Old Oak Farms, our farm. The rain battered on the roof, coming down heavily on the calves.“ Where are the calves gonna go Aunty?” I yelled at the top of my lungs, trying to make sure Aunty could hear me. “They're going down by the river!”  She screeched back. My brother and I still had jobs to do after this, like moving two mobs of  heifers and one mob of milkers. The calves went willingly into the paddock and started to grave quietly. “ Come on lil sis,” Dylan said as he ruffled my hair, “ We have heifers to move,” 

12:40

The rain continued to come down harshly and my brother and I couldn’t take it anymore. The cows stood at the gate, but they weren’t going through, it was  as if they could not see it was open. “ Come on girls! Let's go!”  I yelled, but yet there was no response, they just wouldn’t move. “ Summer, come here and listen!” My brother yelled from the quad “ Listen I am going to tie a bit of rope to the tow bar and you are going to hold it, then I’m gonna put balayage on top of you and then they will definitely come!” 

“ Um no!” I declared, I was most certainly not going to get dragged behind the quad, “ Come on Summer it will be fine I promise,”  Dylan reassured me. 

1:00

“ This is so uncomfortable,”   I complained. I was still uncertain about this but I thought why not have an adventure and some fun.  Now I was lying down on the grass, cows and balayage all around me. The start of the ride was alright and then it got bumpy. We had our game plan and I thought we would stick to it but Dylan had other plans. Driving over rocks was really sore and I felt like I wanted to let go but I couldn’t. I had a big job, so I had to do it. Numb, sore,grazed - shall I let go? I felt like I had no feeling in my body, it was almost like the sharp stones had taken it away from my body. “Dylan I need to let go, you need to stop!” there was no response, of course not he is properly just ignoring me.  Five paddocks later ……… I was still being dragged along the rugged race way, the needle like stones still digging into me. I had to have stamina to complete this task, I had to prove to my brother that I was worthy of being a farmer at only 12 years old. 

1:20 

The paddocks were coming to an end so my painful journey was slowly coming to an end. Mum was speeding behind and yelling. When finally it came to an action packed ending with Dylan almost hitting the gate making my mother probably think that he can never drive again ( He can’t anyways) and I know for a fact that she wouldn’t let him for a very long time. As I slowly rose from the ground the balayage tumbled and scattered all over the dew covered grass, mum came running over and started to push the rest to the ground. The pain was really bad, up to ten at that moment. Rushing back in the car mum was extremely mad ( I hope I survive )       

I am working on how to use personifacation, 2A and 3 bad -sentences and aslo how to use a emtion comma.